Our Little Baby Blog

Three

As I write this, it is late at night – the last night, before you turn three years old. Three. How can such a small number seem so big?

Three years ago I was in a hospital, desperately awaiting the sound of a newborn cry, counting the seconds from when the doctor pulled you out until I could her your tiny voice. It felt like eternity, and then suddenly there you were, the tiny shrill cry that only a newborn baby can make, filling up the room. My heart exploded as I searched the room for your face, searched for a glimpse of the special girl that would take my life and my heart in the palm of her wrinkly little hand and forever change who I was.

I was looking for you.

And tonight, as you asked me to cuddle close to you, the recent ritual we’ve created because you like to fall asleep with your arms wrapped around my neck and our noses touching, I am just as in awe of you. Our hearts are connected in a way that I have trouble describing. There are no words powerful enough to encompass the love I have for you or what it feels like to see you run across the room to me when I walk in the door. How can words describe your smile, the way your face lights up?

There is a synchronicity of love that occurs between a mother and a daughter. I pray ours lasts forever. That any bumpiness in our journey together is outweighed by the knowledge that we were meant to be here together, we were created to love each other and that my love for you is absolutely unequivocally unconditional.

You are growing into your own person more and more each day. Where you might have once followed blindly, you now question; where you might have agreed previously, you now push back. Despite the frustrations this brings, I can’t do anything but smile. After all, this is your job, to push and pull and tug until you finally figure out who you want to be. Truthfully, this will last for a very, very long time. I’m still doing it myself.

But then again, I know more who I am now than I have ever before. I am a mother. I am your mother, and also your brother’s. You are not my entire identity, of course, but you have changed every single part of me. And I’m so thankful that you did. This was worth waiting for.

Three years old. Such a big beautiful girl you are, Anna. Thank you for being mine.

Love,
Mama