Our Little Baby Blog

Breathing deeply

So now that we've officially reached week three in the life of our newly formed Roth family, I feel like I've been picked up, twirled around and thrown back two years. Having a new baby is joyous and amazing, but it's kind like starting at ground zero again. The exhaustion, the crying, the breastfeeding. It's somehow old and somehow new again at the same time. I'm not completely panic-stricken at the thought of the baby stopping breathing (a major fear the first time around) or worried that I'll drop him or anything; but, I'd be lying if I didn't say an entirely new set of worries appears to be settling in... what if I'm not paying enough attention to him? what if Anna accidentally knocks him in the head? what if we're not bonding the same way that Anna and I bonded because I'm now a woman divided (by children, that is)?

You get the idea. I've still got the crazies, they're just redirected.

We were so fortunate to have family around for nearly three weeks and this is day five of doing it all on my own (and with mike on the weekends). I'm happy to report we're all alive, we're all dressed, I've only forgotten to brush my teeth once, and no meals have been missed... yet. Some folks at church and our friends have been fantastic about helping provide meals. Such a LIFE SAVER. I cannot say thank you enough for this!

I'm still trying to figure out Abe's rhythm. There isn't much of a rhythm to speak of at three weeks, but I'm anxiously awaiting one. Anna still adores Abe, constantly wanting to love him, stroke his head and kiss his feet. She calls him her little buddy or says things like, "he's a sweet little child" and my heart just melts. I am so thankful that she hasn't shown any agression or frustration with him. She came down with a cold about a week ago and I had to separate them until she wasn't contagious anymore. I figured that would really upset her and heighten the frustration she felt, but it didn't do much. This is not to say that she isn't testing boundaries and throwing fits, but it seems to be more associated with my attention and the fact that we're having to say NO a heck of a lot more than we've ever said it before.

Unlike life pre-Abe, if Anna wanted to do something, anything really, we could do it. Want more milk? Sure. Want to blow bubbles on the porch? No problemo. Head to the library? Put your shoes on. But now the answer is often: wait, stop, not right now, I'm feeding Abe, etc. Life just isn't the same and I know it upsets her. She is having meltdowns quite often and becoming extremely stubborn and demanding, as if she can will things into happening if she just cries harder and harder.

I feel alternately sad that she is going through such a rough time and also frustrated by her lack of cooperation. This must be something all mothers go through, but it still hurts. There is something jarring about witnessing Anna's first bout with a major life change and the accompanying lack of control she feels. I wish I could just hug and kiss her all day until she was happy again, but that isn't possible. Ugh... I know that someday she won't even remember a time without Abe, but for now she is frustrated and tired and wants us back again. Boy, does my heart hurt for her sometimes.

On the positive side of things, despite all the roadblocks I've been dealing with when it comes to nursing, I'm happy to report Abe has surpassed his birth weight and now weighs in at a whopping 10 lbs. That's right. Abe = 10 lbs. Anna = 25 lbs. Wonder when he'll lap her?

Abe's still sleeping great, which is something everyone is commenting on... I didn't realize there was a correlation between bigger babies (therefore, bigger eaters) and better sleepers. But lots of people keep telling me their larger babies were great sleepers. I can vouch for that and I desperately hope it continues. We're now at the point where we can let Abe sleep at night for as long as he wants rather than waking him up every 3-4 hours to eat. He's gone 5 hours so far and I think he'll probably do 6 at some point soon. Keep your fingers crossed this week!